my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
