hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
