Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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