How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
