Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
