Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
