Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
