We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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