i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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