Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
