You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
