i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Drunk is not a location!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
