i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
