Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
