Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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