I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
