dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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