i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
