ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
