Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
