Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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