Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
