how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
how drunk are you?
Several
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
