Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
