Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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