Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
