jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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