Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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