She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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