cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
