I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
