I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
