apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
