Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
wanna go halves on a baby?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
