best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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