I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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