i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
