You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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