Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
