you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
