her vagine was all disorganized.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
