just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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