She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
