how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
