I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
