I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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