Walk of Shame. In a state park.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
