I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
