his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
