I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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