fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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