Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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