OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
