He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
