Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am available for nakedness
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
