I wanna passion pit in your ass
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
