He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
