I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
