Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
