they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
