The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
