I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
