we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
