Tell her she can't have a vagina
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
