"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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