Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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