I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
