We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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