im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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