I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
