I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
