Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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