they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
