you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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