don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
