my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
