my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
