do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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