Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
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I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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