I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
sex in a hospital.. check
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
