wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
