so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
