yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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