Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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