I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
