I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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