I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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