How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
