Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
